A Very Bad Day
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Everyone in Ikebukuro slashes Shizuo and Izaya, much to their distress. In an attempt to flee from a crazy mob of rabid fangirls they end up holed in Comiket where they are far from safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** 90% of the fandom in Ikebukuro ships Shizuo x Izaya...so why doesn't someone have them STALK THEM FOR THE LULZ!  
>Bonus points if Shizuo and Izaya have to work together to run away from the fandom.<p>

* * *

><p>At times like this Izaya had to thank Shizuo for all the running training that he had forced him to endure. Of course, outrunning Shizuo was considerably easy than escaping from his current pursuers that just happened to be around half of Ikebukuro. At least it sure felt like that and judging from the hollering and the cloud of dust that the crowd kicked in front of itself. Izaya picked up his pace and nearly lost his balance making a rather tight corner. The trick was putting a busy intersection between himself and the mob without getting ran over by the cars.<br>"Izaya!"  
>"No time now, Shizu-chan."<br>Izaya shot past Shizuo.  
>"Where do you think you're going?"<br>Shizuo spoke to Izaya's retreating back. He stood blinking, wondering just what was this noise that kept getting louder and making the ground shake. And then he spotted the human stampede that was coming straight at him. Shizuo bolted on Izaya's tracks, somehow he was sure that this was the bastard's fault anyway.  
>"Izaya! Who the hell are those people?"<br>"Talk less, run faster."  
>Izaya jumped over a garbage bin and Shizuo steamrolled over it, sending it smashing a few inches left of Izaya.<br>"Temporary truce, Shizu-chan! It's like Dawn of the Dead here."  
>Shizuo cast a glance over his shoulder.<br>"Zombies? They're catching up!"  
>"Close, fans. Run for your life! Or chastity. Or both."<br>"This is absurd!"  
>Shizuo came to a sudden halt, picked up a vending machine and hurled it at the crowd. He crossed his arms and smiled smugly.<br>"See? That took care of it."  
>"Oh Shizu-chan. Nothing can stop rabid fangirls. Not even official pairings, let alone a vending machine."<br>And indeed a new wave of people was clambering over the machine and was in motion again. Izaya ran into a narrow alley and crawled sideways. Shizuo had saved enough time for him to hide here. But Izaya's relief was momentary. Shizuo jabbed an elbow into Izaya's side as he squirmed himself between the walls as well. His big body hardly fit but that did not deter him.  
>"Move over, flea bait!"<br>"Go away! If they catch us together we're dead meat!"  
>"This is all your fault. You just had to go and piss off everyone in town, bloody louse."<br>"Shh, quiet now."  
>The mob passed the narrow entrance of the alley and kept on going. Izaya sighed and removed the hand that he had placed over Shizuo's mouth, hitting the wall as he did so because there was hardly any space to breathe, let alone move. Meanwhile Shizuo attempted to shuffle out of this aperture.<br>"Shit. I'm stuck."  
>"Please tell me you're joking."<br>"Er, no. Can't move. Damn!"  
>Izaya would have shrugged if it was feasible. He tried to face the other side of the alley but a vending machine blocked the exit.<br>"Great. Just great."  
>"Push me!"<br>Izaya tried. Shizuo remained immobile.  
>"Shizu-chan, why do you have to be so big?"<br>"Shut up and get me out already!"  
>A few more ineffectual pushes only caused Izaya's arms to hurt without moving Shizuo. Something occurred to Izaya at this point.<br>"Shizu-chan, don't go hating me for this."  
>It took a lot of contorting for Izaya to fish the bottle of lube from his back pocket. He smeared a generous amount of thick liquid over Shizuo's body.<br>"What the hell are you doing? And what's this weird smell?"  
>"Not now."<br>Izaya gave him one hard push and Shizuo slipped out of the alley. Izaya ended up landing on him, having lost his balance.  
>"Get off me!"<br>"Whatever happened to 'Thank you, Izaya-kun.'"  
>Shizuo picked himself off the floor, Izaya had knocked him down, and brushed his clothes.<br>"What did those people want anyway? And what the hell is this gooey stuff?"  
>"Lube. And they're fans, the scary kind."<br>"Lube?"  
>Shizuo dangled Izaya by the lapel of his jacket.<br>"It worked, didn't it! And may I suggest some anger management?"  
>Shizuo dropped him.<br>"Kazuka got me this outfit and you went and ruined it."  
>"Cry me a river. I just saved your ass. Now, I don't know about you but I'm hiding until the crazies go away. I bet they're still buzzing around."<br>Before Izaya could settle on a good hiding place the mob was back. He dashed in the opposite direction and Shizuo followed suit. It occurred to Izaya that this was the first time he used a whole bottle of lube without it doing much to improve his day.


	2. Chapter 2

Izaya took a dive into a big building that offered cover. Shizuo was on his heels and gingerly stepped on him, thus turning Izaya into fur fringed carpet.  
>"It sure is weird here."<br>"Shizu-chan- gah!"  
>Shizuo looked around, this really was a strange place. People with strange outfits pranced about, ranging from sailor fuku that were far too short to bizarre space suit like things, and the colorful ranges of dyed hair gave him a headache. Bubbly music was broadcast from loudspeakers and creatures with oversized eyes popped out from screens scattered a bit all over the place. He finally stepped down and allowed Izaya to scramble back to his feet. Izaya was still trying to get his lungs to work properly after nearly being crushed by Shizuo's weight so he did not notice any of this.<br>Upon further study Shizuo realized that the main purpose of this bizarre event, whatever it was, revolved around buying books from the many stands that had them on display. Out of curiosity he picked up a slim tome that was nearby. The cover was familiar.  
>"Hey, Izaya? This looks like you."<br>Izaya was still groaning.  
>"Did you really have to step on me like that?"<br>Shizuo flipped the pages. So this was manga, he had heard about such things before but only had the vaguest idea of what it was. And then he screamed.  
>"My poor eyes! There are sick, sick, <em>sick<em> people in this world! Izaya!"  
>"What now!"<br>"Look! How can people- I don't even know!"  
>Shizuo blushed furiously. Izaya took the book, now that the pain in his spine was receding he noticed that this place was terribly familiar.<br>"Oh my! It's a Shizaya doujin! One thing I'd like to know, how come I'm always the uke in this?"  
>So far they had both ignored the girl that sat on the other side of the stand, her eyes becoming shinier by the second.<br>"You two are the best Shizuo/Izaya cosplayers I've ever seen! You even act in character! Can I take a picture? Please? Puh-lease?"  
>She batted her eyelashes. Shizuo reached for a cigarette, he really needed one and the hell with the law but unfortunately his whole pack was soaked.<br>"Izaya! You even got your stupid lube on my cigs!"  
>"Oh, do you guys also roleplay H scenes as well? That's hot. So hot."<br>Shizuo abandoned his plan of killing Izaya and turned to the girl.  
>"Did you draw this?"<br>"Yes, Sir!"  
>"Do your parents know you draw these filthy things? What's wrong with kids nowadays!"<br>"They ship Shizaya as well!"  
>Shizuo shook his head.<br>"This is why Japan is going down the drain. It's because parents are off on a some cruise ship or whatever instead of taking care of their kids and keeping them away from perverted things."  
>"Miss, I'll buy them all and do you have any colored posters?"<br>Shizuo choked.  
>"Izaya! Why the hell are you getting these books?"<br>"Masturbation aids."  
>"That's me in this book!"<br>"And you get to top as usual. So unfair, Shizu-chan. So what if I'm so much shorter and smaller built than you, I can still top."  
>The girl left the stand and held Izaya's hands.<br>"Please tell me all about it!"  
>Izaya was very willing to do just that but Shizuo landed a punch on his gut that sent him flying into one of the stages. Shizuo pinned him down and prepared to give Izaya the beating of his life when the loudspeakers blared:<br>"Attention, attention! We have an 18 up event taking place on stage! A true make out session between Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya cosplayers!"  
>Izaya groaned softly,<br>"Again with that order. Will I ever get to top."  
>Shizuo froze as he noticed that he was now on all screens and that there was a crowd gathering around them. And here he was, planted on top of Izaya, holding him as if they were indeed about to have hot sex.<br>"Oy, Izaya! They're crowding here. Do something about it, you know these people!"  
>Microphones picked up his voice and carried out to the entire building. Izaya whispered,<br>"Leave it to me, Shizu-chan" then raised his tone "Everyone at Comiket! I'm sure you all want to know the true reason why Shizuo hates me so much. And by that I mean the _real_ reason that the creators will never have the balls to tell you. The truth is, I top Shizuo. And he likes it, too. He's my bitch and that really riles him up! Can I get a 'kya!'"


	3. Chapter 3

"Kya!"  
>The crowd burst in the cheer, very much like a war cry. Shizuo flailed and it took him a few moments to find his voice.<br>"The- _fuck_!"  
>Izaya was on a roll. Nothing made him happier than causing Shizuo's consternation except doing so before a multitude.<br>"But I'm sorry to disappoint you girls, there's no rape. Shizu-chan begs me to do him-"  
>"You filthy liar!"<br>A chorus of 'kya' was not interspaced with hooting cries.  
>"How was the first time?"<br>"Izaya topping is so original!"  
>"Pff, no rape? That can't be, two guys can't get it on without some serious raping!"<br>"_Moe_!"  
>Shizuo was so perplexed that he could not even strike Izaya as he fully intended. He staggered to his feet and Izaya got up in the most smooth way.<br>"The hell, you can't believe what the louse says! Izaya is a lying bastard!"  
>"So in character!"<br>"Best cosplayers _ever_!"  
>If Shizuo knew what a cosplayer was he would realize that his reputation was not at stake. As it was he had no idea. Izaya would say that it was a matter of 'not enough information' as opposed to 'too much' of it.<br>"He's making up stuff!"  
>Izaya was not one to let opportunities slip and here was a golden one. He piped,<br>"And guess what, Shizu-chan wears polka dot panties! So cute, isn't it?"  
>Shizuo was speechless. Then he thundered.<br>"WHAT THE!"  
>"Pink polka dot panties, Shizu-chan! They're your favorite. Along with sexy thongs."<br>At this point Shizuo played into Izaya's hand so perfectly that Izaya was reminded anew of how much of a mastermind he was. Shizuo dropped his pants promptly and pointed to rather dull boxers.  
>"There! Does it look like panties to you, you fucking flea? I wear man's underwear!"<br>Izaya doubled up with laughter.  
>"You- you actually, it's too easy, at times it's just too easy!"<br>It was only now that Shizuo realized that people were taking pictures, cell phones aimed squarely at him.  
>"Stop that! What is wrong with you people?"<br>Izaya was snorting with laughter and wiping tears from his eyes. It was priceless.  
>"Shizuo, not wasting any time! I always knew that you and Izaya were meant to be!"<br>Erika sparkled in the front row as she delivered these lines. Shizuo recognized her and panic hit as he realized that here was someone from his circle of acquaintances, which was bad, and far too into the craziness that she was sure to spread.  
>"Erika-sama, aren't they adorable? Did you pick these cosplayers yourself?"<br>Izaya was not even surprised that fangirls saw Erika as a kind of ring leader.  
>"Oh, they're not cosplayers. That's the real Shizuo and Izaya. The ultimate hate sex combo!"<br>This time the 'kya' chorus was deafening and even Izaya was a bit distressed. He cleared his throat and tried to cut through the cacophony.  
>"Erika, you should inform your friends that Shizaya is so passé. Izuo all the way!"<br>"The fuck is that?"  
>Erika enlightened him.<br>"It's a reversal on the typical Shizuo x Izaya pairing! Izuo means that Izaya tops."  
>"Typical….? What…? I'm not gay! And if I was I wouldn't do it with fucking fleas!"<br>Erika bounced.  
>"Yes, keep saying that! But Shizuo, you were undressing. Don't let me stop you! Just pretend we aren't here!"<br>Self-consciousness kicked in. Shizuo blushed on the spot and pulled up his pants. Izaya giggled.  
>"Shut up!"<br>"Izuo or death! I'd top Shizu-chan like there's no tomorrow!"  
>Erika rubbed her chin thoughtfully.<br>"It has potential, yes. Can't deny that it has potential. But at the same time, wouldn't it be a waste of man flesh? Shizuo must be hung like a horse! A shame not to put that to good use."  
>Shizuo's jaw dropped.<br>"What- saying that kind of thing, it's just wrong. I'll have to have a word with Kadota, he should tell his friends how to act properly. Especially a lady, it's improper behavior."  
>"Shizu-chan is stuck in the 19th century, the poor thing! I have ideas about Izuo, you can draw some hot scenario."<br>"How about, wife!Shizuo? Wearing an apron and acting all cute when businessman!Izaya returns home after a hard day's work! 'Would you like dinner, a bath or me?' Cue in blushing Shizuo and then some delicious sexy times! I like it! The more I think about it, the more I like it!"  
>Shizuo was floored.<br>"Apron?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh, great idea! How about bashful virgin!Shizuo? 'Izaya, be gentle…' It is pure gold and you know it!"  
>"Completely OOC but that's what makes it so fun! How about some high school action? I got loads of pictures of you guys in your school uniforms. "<br>"You do…?"  
>"Did Dotachin share those with you?"<br>Erika grew sly.  
>"Never divulge a source, I say."<br>She produced said pictures and Shizuo snatched them from her.  
>"What's this all about?"<br>"No worries, I got the negatives too. I am thinking rooftop sexing here!"  
>Shizuo was not done trying to talk some sense into Erika whom he realized was something of a representative to this crazy crowd.<br>"I dunno how you can like this kind of stuff but it's just wrong. Guys shouldn't be doing this and that together! I guess I don't care what guys do, it's their business but Izaya is Izaya, nothing but a gnat. And this kind of thing, writing stories and drawing porn is not at all proper."  
>During this speech Erika did a sketch and presented it to Izaya who nodded enthusiastically.<br>"Will you listen to me!"  
>"Later, Shizu-chan. This is the way to go! Izuo for the win!"<br>Trust Izaya to turn a situation around. He now skipped about the stage around Shizuo.  
>"Stop bouncing!"<br>"Shizuo is the smoking!type, very hot. Very hot indeed."  
>"Can't even smoke, fucking flea got his lube all over my cigs!"<br>There was another collective gasp and Shizuo knew he had just made a grave mistake.  
>"Er, it's not like that! We got stuck in an alley!"<br>"Alley Izuo! I am on it. So many possibilities, so little time!"  
>"Izaya, will you tell them the truth already?"<br>Izaya composed himself to appear borderline solemn.  
>"It isn't easy to have sex in such a narrow space but we made the best of it."<br>"You fucking liar!"  
>Shizuo was ready to finally snap Izaya's neck once and for all when a familiar voice piped.<br>"I have a wide collection of Izuo material."  
>"Kasuka?"<br>"It's Heiwajima junior!"  
>And indeed Kasuka stepped forward and opened a plastic bag out of which he removed a series of slim volumes.<br>"All top material, I scout circles that specialize. Because there is something extra _moe_ about nii-chan getting raped."  
>Shizuo was once again floored.<br>"What…?"  
>Erika studied Kasuka's doujin.<br>"Glossy covers, too! Excellent stuff you got here, how long did it take you to find all this? It's a rare pairing, in that order."  
>"It took me the whole day to get this. I do my doujin rounds at least once per week."<br>Something occurred to Izaya.~  
>"Wait, shouldn't you girls be raving about mister Idol here?"<br>Erika waved her hand in dismissal.  
>"We are all diehard fans of Shizaya here, that is all we see. And now Izuo too!"<br>Shizuo could not yet believe it.  
>"Kasuka, are you serious? You read this…this… I don't even know what to call it!"<br>Shizuo committed the grave mistake of leafing through one of the books and immediately came across a scene in which he was tied and gagged on a floor while uniformed Izaya was about to apply a sleek whip to him.  
>"That is a special Nazi series I just got into."<br>Erika whistled.  
>"Seriously hot stuff here!"<br>"I am very picky and the biggest collector of Izuo there is."  
>"You read porn in which I'm raped by Izaya? Why- what- how?"<br>"Nii-chan, the _moe_ aspect is too great to miss. And it has to be Izaya for the hate to come across as real. But I also have very fluffy stuff, some of it is not even smut like cute kindergarten stories with kid versions of you two."  
>Shizuo coughed and put on his best older and wiser brother face.<br>"Kasuka, I need to have a word with you. As your big brother I have a responsibility of guiding you and letting you know what is wrong. This kind of behavior is plain wrong, you are still young and need to be told some things."  
>Izaya had a go at inspecting the doujin.<br>"Wow, even I wouldn't have come up with most of this! Quite an imagination these authors have!"  
>Kasuka nodded and ignored Shizuo's lecture altogether.<br>"Izuo material explores many avenues."  
>"Didn't you hear me…?"<br>"He doesn't care about your ideas of wrong and right."  
>"Izaya-KUN! This is all your fault! You've been polluting my little brother's mind with your filthy pervasions!"<br>"_Excuse me_? How is this at all my fault, I have nothing to do with it."


	5. Chapter 5

Kasuka turned to Erika.  
>"I also bookmarked some of the best Izuo fanfics I could find. Hours of browsing paid off. I read them in between scenes when I'm shooting a movie."<br>"You are so dedicated! Is Izuo your OTL?"  
>"Yes. I am also the very first one to ship the pairing. I've shipped them since nii-chan arrived home one day after school and told me about Izaya-san in not too flattering terms. So I did some spying and I found out just who 'Izaya-KUN' was. The pairing seemed too perfect to pass. And this was when I began drawing Izuo."<br>"Drawing? You draw it too?"  
>Shizuo kept getting more and more shocked.<br>"I have been working on my own art, doing sketches both using you and Izaya-san as models and photographs. My dream is to become a great mangaka."  
>"But aren't you an Idol actor?"<br>Izaya was confused.  
>"I am but it is not something I am passionate about. I am here today to launch my very own circle, Orijima. Specializes on Izuo. Please check it out."<br>Izaya and Shizuo found themselves in Kasuka's booth. Erika gloated over the sexiness.  
>"I see, combining Orihara and Heiwajima! You've got skills!"<br>"Thank you."  
>Izaya leafed through a volume.<br>"Eh, you sign these with your real name?"  
>"Most fans don't know it."<br>Shizuo's blush had intensified to a shade of dark red that in many cases heralded an incoming heart attack. In his it was just profound embarrassment.  
>"So wrong…!"<br>"But why Izuo instead of Shizaya?"  
>This was the point that interested Erika the most.<br>"Because I love nii-chan, and nothing is better than seeing him crying and miserable as Izaya rapes him."  
>"What kind of a logic is that?"<br>"Spoken like a true fangirl! Kasuka, you are one of us!"  
>And Erika took Kasuka's hands and smiled happily.<br>"I want to spread my love for Izuo and introduce it to a wider audience. Everyone can be a fan."  
>Shizuo was going to protest when a pair of hands waving in the air and pigtails bouncing up and down accompanied by a voice detained him.<br>"Not so fast! It is Shizaya all the way, Shizaya!"  
>And just like that Mairu burst into the scene with Kururi on tow.<br>"Oh dearie, not my sisters…!"  
>Mairu adjusted her glasses and waved a portfolio of Shizaya about.<br>"We are fans of you on the big screen but when it comes to shipping there are no friends or idols. Baka-nii could never rape Shizuo! Look at him, he's like a noodle."  
>And to prove a point Mairu poked Izaya hard enough to hurt.<br>"That hurts!"  
>"See what I mean? Too weak to rape anyone, let alone Shizuo. Isn't that right, Kururi?"<br>"Izaya-nii is not strong."  
>"That doesn't matter. Izaya-san is very S, he fits as a top. Sadistic tops are sexy."<br>"Shizuo can be a sadist too, and he is always so angry that he'll fuck Izaya-nii to the ground!"  
>Izaya grimaced.<br>"Language, Mairu…"  
>"It's true. <em>Moezaya<em> has a huge appeal. Our circle-"  
>"Please tell me you're kidding…"<br>"We have our own circle too. I wanted to call it Baka-niilicious but Kururi said it wouldn't do."  
>"I proposed the name 'Lovely Dovey Violent.'"<br>"Ah…"  
>"So we went with that. This is our first time at Comiket and there's no way we're letting that old fart of a governor get in the way of delicious Shizaya!"<br>Kasuka nodded.  
>"The change in legislation was quite a blow but there are ways to work around it."<br>"What are they going on about?"  
>Shizuo asked but he was afraid of knowing.<br>"They mean the stricter policy on pornographic manga that was introduced by the governor."  
>"Good for him! This kind of stuff, it ain't right and you guys should be ashamed of yourselves! I can't really blame the girls, with such a shitty role model,"<br>"I am a wonderful big brother."  
>"The hell you are!"<br>Izaya sighed.  
>"Look, can't we go back to '3D pig disgusting' and cease this insanity?"<br>Mairu, Kururi and Kasuka spoke in unison:  
>"No."<br>Erika bounced.  
>"I wish I had brothers I could ship with long-time enemies!"<br>Mairu produced a series of pictures.  
>"These are all naked Izaya-nii, taken when he was showering, sleeping or just being silly."<br>It was Izaya's turn to nearly have a heart attack.  
>"You girls can't take nude pictures of me!"<br>Kururi explained.  
>"We use them as reference."<br>Kasuka produced his own stash.  
>"I'll trade you sleeping!naked!Izaya for a sleeping!cuddling with pillow!Shizuo."<br>Mairu decided in a flash.  
>"Done."<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

"Er, dear sisters of mine, we're not Pokemon cards to trade like that…"  
>"That's right! You can't do that! Do something about it!"<br>Izaya was not precisely sure what he was supposed to do about it. Erika had something to say.  
>"Do you know what you're lacking in your photo collections? Kissing shots!"<br>Kasuka immediately turned to Shizuo.  
>"Nii-chan, it would make me very happy to have pictures of your kissing Izaya-san."<br>"Eh…? I can't do that!"  
>"It would make me very happy indeed. I would even forget all about the fridge incident."<br>Shizuo was as one transfixed. He ran a hand through his hair until it was in a disarray, stealing glances at Izaya.  
>"Shizu-chan, you can't let your brother bully you like it."<br>"Kururi, get me some rope and we'll tie down baka-nii."  
>"Now girls, this is getting out of hand. You can't just-"<br>But Izaya never got along to finishing because Shizuo had finally reached a decision and it included grabbing Izaya and forcing a very awful kiss on him. It took Izaya so by surprise that he had no reaction. All he knew was the bitter aftertaste of cigarettes and far too much teeth. Izaya did not even hear the fangirls squeeing with unprecedented vigour nor did he see them take a million pictures. By the time Shizuo let go of him Izaya was tottering on his feet and beyond angry. He was also blushing furiously as was Shizuo.  
>"You idiot! You nearly bit my tongue off!"<br>"Sorry, I'm not used to doing this kind of thing…"  
>"Screw you! Even for a first kiss it was awful!"<br>Izaya rubbed his lips as if to erase the kiss from his memory. It did not work. His lips were slightly numb. Shizuo's blush deepened to a gradient of deep red.  
>"So what if it was my first kiss, I told you I ain't good at this!"<br>"It figures it'd be your first kiss. No one in his right mind would ever kiss you willingly."  
>"Say what?"<br>"You heard me. Beastly creature, go back to the jungle where you belong."  
>"You take that back!"<br>"No."  
>Kasuka nodded.<br>"Fighting again, instead you should just have sex and vent all this aggression."  
>Mairu nodded in agreement.<br>"That's right. Just fuck him, Shizuo! You know you want to! Baka-nii is begging for it!"  
>But Izaya and Shizuo were too caught up in their argument to even notice their respective siblings anymore than they noticed the army of fangirls practically drooling. Or Erika, their obvious ringleader.<br>"I ain't a monster!"  
>"You sure kiss like one."<br>"It ain't my fault! I don't know any better, never got a chance of learning!"  
>"This is how you properly kiss someone."<br>And with this Izaya landed a deep kiss on Shizuo's mouth. He knew just how to lock lips, prying Shizuo's with just enough pressure to make it a smooth experience. Even if Izaya did not feel much, the numbness persisting. But Shizuo was taken aback by the tingle of pleasure that filled him and could not help but kiss him back as best as he could. Fortunately this time around he refrained from unintentionally disastrous biting.  
>"And that's how you do it, Shizu-chan. Take a few pointers, will you? Can't expect me to do everything for you-"<br>"KYA!"  
>Only now did Izaya realized that he was still surrounded by crazy girls with an obsession for man on man action including his sisters now busy actually recording everything, Erika who was coordinating a cheering squad and Kasuka whose smile was remarkably disturbing.<br>"I was trying to correct Shizu-chan's lousy technique, that was all there was to it. It wasn't a real kiss."  
>But Izaya knew he was doomed. To people for whom indirect kisses counted as kisses as did performing CPR it was impossible to convince them that there was no subtext involved. Shizuo was so dazed that he reached into his vest to produce a lube soaked cigarette that he tried to light to no avail. Izaya retreated closer to Shizuo.<br>"Shizu-chan, tell them just what happened."  
>"Man, so that's what kissing is like…real nice."<br>Izaya cursed himself but now was not the time to freak out, he needed to do some damage control fast.  
>"Shizu-chan, you really hated it, right?"<br>"Nah, it was good."  
>"You moron, will you work with me here!"<br>Erika's eyes were starry.  
>"So great to see your relationship blossoming! We have a bed stored somewhere!"<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Shizuo addressed Erika.  
>"When you say bed, do you mean…?"<br>It was Izaya who answered.  
>"Of course that's what they mean! Will you wake up already! These people want us involved in acts that are illegal in some parts of the world."<br>"Oh…and that's bad, right?"  
>"Why do you sound so wavering all of a sudden! Of course it's bad! It's very, very bad! In fact, it could hardly be any worse."<br>"Hmm, a bed, huh...kissing was fine but I don't know if I want to do...stuff. Cuz that would turn me gay."  
>Izaya jumped to this.<br>"That's right, Shizu-chan! You don't want to become gay."  
>Kasuka nodded.<br>"It's okay, you don't have to be gay. You just have to have sex with Izaya-san."  
>"That's right, it doesn't mean you're gay. Just that you like sexing with guys."<br>Izaya face-palmed.  
>"That just so happens to be the very definition of gay!"<br>Kururi intervened.  
>"Not necessarily, Izaya-nii. There is something to be said about bisexuality."<br>"Oh please, why waste all this man flesh? Not to mention Izaya can't top anyone."  
>"Not true. Izaya-san knows how to kiss, that means he'll be topping nii-chan. I stick by Izuo."<br>Mairu rolled her eyes at Kasuka.  
>"Please, as if. He can't even top Ayase from Okane ga nai."<br>"You're being too mean to Izaya-nii. I'm sure he could top Ayase on a good day."  
>Izaya sighed.<br>"Kururi, even you…!"  
>"Besides, of course he's good at kissing. He is Ikebukuro's cum dumpster after all."<br>"Izaya-nii gets around a lot, yes."  
>"So I'm a slut now...?"<br>"It's nothing new."  
>"We still love you, Izaya-nii."<br>"Oh gee...thanks. If this is the way you treat me when you love me, imagine how it'd be if you hated me!"  
>Kururi produced her school uniform.<br>"Izaya-nii, you can wear this. We're about the same size."  
>"How come you don't wear it yourself when you should? On top of that you want me to wear it?"<br>"She's angling for a trap card."  
>Trust Mairu to explain her twin's motivations.<br>"Izaya-nii would look so pretty."  
>"Oh, Izaya!trap! The potential, it can't be denied!"<br>More squeeing followed. Shizuo blinked a few times.  
>"Trap is like, what, looking like a girl?"<br>"That's precisely what it is! Izaya here all dolled up like a girl!"  
>A weight seemed to be lifted from Shizuo's shoulders.<br>"Oh, that's okay then."  
>"Shizu-chan?"<br>Izaya's voice cracked.  
>"I'm no homo but if he looks like a girl then it's cool."<br>"No it isn't! Even if I was a girl it'd still be bad!"  
>Mairu interrupted.<br>"Our circle also dabbles on girl!Izaya on occasion."  
>Kasuka decided it was time to push for his favorite pairing once again.<br>"Traps on top are hot. You can't deny it."  
>"We can always fix up Shizuo in a dress, I suppose…"<br>But even Mairu sounded reticent about it.  
>"That wouldn't be a trap, that'd be slightly scary."<br>"Nii-chan has hairy legs, not nice in a dress. As for Shizuka, that is a whole different story. At times I draw it."  
>"Brilliant, they also change our genders."<br>Meanwhile Kururi had handed the sailor uniform to Shizuo who was turning it over.  
>"This is like the things girls wear in pornos…"<br>"Oy, Shizu-chan. That's my sister's clothes you're talking about."  
>"I don't mean to say that Kururi is on porn! It's just the outfit!"<br>Mairu nodded.  
>"We wouldn't do porn, we'd get Izaya to do porn for us!"<br>"Gay porn with Izaya-nii is is the best."  
>Izaya face-palmed yet again.<br>"You girls do realize I have sex with girls, right? I am not even gay!"  
>"Oh please, you wear a fur jacket and fawn all over manly Shizuo there."<br>"I can't imagine Izaya-nii with a girl. It'd be wrong."  
>"...but doing it with a guy is perfectly fine?"<br>"Totally legit."  
>Shizuo was turning the uniform over.<br>"How about the undies? He'll need frilly panties to go with this...I mean, what do you normally wear? Boring boxers?"  
>"Will you leave my choice of underwear alone!"<br>"And garters...that'd be hot. That way you'd look even more like a chick. A hot chick."  
>"Are you even listening to me?"<br>And this time it was Kasuka who provided the items n question.  
>"White ones are better."<br>"...Kasuka, why are you carrying a pair of panties around...? And garters...?"  
>Shizuo was greatly perplexed.<br>"I always pack a few of these. You never know when they'd come in handy."  
>"Wonderful, your brother is a perv too."<p> 


End file.
